Hawaiitime

About a week ago my family and I made a short trip to Kauai for our annual summer vacation trip. Granted it was slightly less than perfect because I can't be around people for more than two hours without wanting to sit in peace and quiet for two days, but I still had a great time regardless.

The food was slightly subpar, surprisingly. Side note: I totally need to become a food critic. The word subpar just comes, like, naturally to me. I guess I was just a little disappointed with how Americanized everything was. And now that I realize it, Hawaii is totally a part of America. I mean... I guess I'm trying to say it was pretty tourist-friendly. Not at all like our last trip to the remote islands of Antigua and Barbuda (and when I say remote I mean deserted.)

BACK TO FOOD: We went to a pretty awesome tapas place that definitely made up for all of the pizza, burgers, and hot dogs from before. The restaurant had a variety of seafood, cheeses, and breads which the server brought out one dish at a time. We liked it so much, we literally returned the next day. 

Now the only other Hawaiian island I've been to before was Maui, but it was like eight years ago or something so I don't totally remember enough to compare and contrast the two. Overall though, Kauai was had just about everything for the average American family who has enough money to vacation somewhere tropic without getting a passport. There are beaches, forests, hiking trails, mountains, and a major city nightlife (no, there's no city I lied.) The beaches were nice, a little busy with families and people, but they definitely had water and sand. We hiked through a forest after kayaking two miles, yes you read that right two miles, to a delightful little waterfall surrounded by not only chickens but a handful of international tourists who I swear could have asked where's Mickey Mouse. After driving in our Nissan Altima for nearly two hours, we reached the end of the road where a trailhead attracted hundreds of tourists thirsty for adventure. We let my mother out to pee and after gazing upon the hikers, we had had our fill, and exhausted, we returned all the way to the hotel.

My least favorite part of the trip had to be the mosquitos. I don't know if this is possible, but I should probably look into mosquito allergies, because I may have one. Every time I am bitten, each bite swells up to the size of a baseball. Like, is that normal? I would love to know.

My favorite part of the trip was probably the day spent tanning. That was super fun. It's nice to know I am easily entertained. 

This was neat

Did I go to Kauai or did I visit the Grand Canyon, amirite?

Hotel Beach

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Things irrelevant to Hawaii:

1. I love Mumford, and this video just made me love them more: Mumford & Sons- Hopeless Wanderer
2. Man do I love a civilian stealing the show on cable news
3. Vines are cool now, right?

Extime

Recently, for some reason, I've been thinking a lot about my past relationships. I guess part of it has to do with my single-ness and the increasing number of friends who have chosen the not-single lifestyle. I find couples both disgusting and endearing. I cannot walk past a googly-eyed couple at work, clutching each other's hands desperately without gagging a little. But once in a while, I'll seat a couple who are in love at that moment. They don't have to show it. It's the little ways in which they interact that give it away. When it's genuine, I admire. But never for long because in the back of my head, some aching feeling reminds me that it's not forever.

When I think about past boys, I see myself maturing. I've had the relationship where I wasn't really myself- I was more of the person I thought he would like. I was too entertained by the idea of being liked to really ask myself, do I like him too? And on the opposite side, I've had a boy where I was perhaps too honest. Is that a thing? Too honest? I think for some people, my level of honesty can be a little intimidating. In the end, I left these guys scarred. Not scared, but scarred. I think they were both more attracted to the idea of me than actual me, but for them, I don't think I make a pleasant memory. 

No matter what I do, one guy I can't seem to shake. There's been one instance where I was more invested than he. It's a sad place to be- that place where you've been left behind. I know that both he and I have lived our lives, but somehow, I feel as if I'm the one waiting. Still hoping to get that phone call one morning, saying he's in town and wants to catch up over a cup of coffee. It's a tragic hopelessness that never relents.

Maybe it's because he's one of the first people I ever met that was different like me. Or maybe I feel lonely and can only think of the boy who made me feel not alone. Either way, I know it's useless to pine. And thus, I've emotionally grown up. I've grown up and am finally proud of myself for becoming independent of my family and friends. I know what's important to me and what kind of person I want to be in this world. I think of who I was and who I am now and am proud of myself. I may not have my life perfectly together, but I'm confident in who I've become.

Youtubetime

1. Matt Harvey asks New Yorkers about Matt Harvey : I love surprising people- this is too funny

2. Ways to Go- Grouplove : Fun song, sounds awesome, music video is a bit strange, loving the hint of macarena in it

3. Hero Teen finds Abducted Girl : Beyond awesome. Makes me want to do something good.

Guilttime

Out of all the emotions, I hate guilt the most. It just sucks altogether. I hate being the recipient and I also don't care to be the "guilterer". It's a dirty emotion that almost always implies ulterior motives and/or forcing someone into doing something that they don't innately want to do. 

Now of course this doesn't just come out of no where. I didn't decide to blog about my least favorite emotion for kicks and gigs, but I just don't want to indulge in the story. It makes me feel guilty for feeling guilty. 

I am a person of reason. If you can clearly explain your thoughts and argument behind an idea, I can at least respect your position. I may not take your side, but at the end of the day, I won't think less of you. However, if you choose to guilt me into something, a switch will flip within me that cannot ever be changed. You are forever labelled, a guilterer. 

I guess this comes from my recent new motto in life: be straightforward. Don't beat around the bush, don't lie, don't take the easy way, don't sugarcoat it- tell it how it is. Guilt does not follow this rule; ergo, guilt is my own personal anti-Christ.

Oh, and also the fact that guilt will occasionally work on me may, in fact, bias my opinion. 

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From Grey's Anatomy- "You're my person"

Crunchtime

The last week has been stressful. I've started to realize how close August 18th is and how I really need to get a hold on this student visa thing. As a result, I've started to feel the pressure considering I need over a month for the visa to process. After coming up short regarding my paperwork in Los Angeles, I found emails yesterday further explaining why my student visa application is incomplete, adding to my mentally and emotionally strained week. 

But finally, I've had a moment of hope. The woman who works at the consulate went through every document and explained why each of them was wrong and what I needed to fix. This form didn't have a city, this form was illegible, and you need to send your transcripts. Stressful, don't get me wrong, but nothing too outrageous. At the end of the call, she confusedly asked me when I would be leaving for Belgium. I responded accordingly and I think I heard her confusion over the phone.

"The student visa only takes a few days to process, why are you in such a rush?"

Never had I heard such beautiful words. I relayed my thanks and quickly hung up the phone before crying of joy. After reading over and over again about how it takes over a month to get a student visa, a week sounded like music to my ears. 

In celebration, I'm recording things that have made me happy recently:
1. I'm starting to learn French. I'm not great but hopefully this will give me a little bit of a head start before taking French 101.
2. I'm making money. Considering all I've done this summer is work and shop, I'm doing pretty well for myself.
3. I bought three JCrew bathing suit pieces. This one is a little bittersweet because I know I should be saving my money for more practical, Europe-friendly apparel but these pieces are so stinkin' cute.
4. I've been eating healthy and exercising. All I drink nowadays are smoothies and actually pretty delicious. I use strawberries, bananas, mango, orange juice, yogurt, and then some kale and spinach. Yes the drink turns out green in the end, but in a way it almost makes it seem healthier.
5. I've fallen in love. Okay, well I've only met him a few days ago and I've spoken like, three words to him, but I'm sure he feels the same way, right? Right, guys?
6. My travel buddy Olga is so down to explore Europe and it makes me super excited to go see castles and museums and festivals.

LAtime

Once again I find myself in LA. I still find it slightly repulsive with only a glimmer in the Beverly Hills direction. This time it was to apply for my student visa at the Belgium consulate. The whole process has been overly painful and I am so done. Except that I'm not. One of the many papers that I needed to collect wasn't perfect because I didn't have the right parent with me. So with a sigh of disappointment, my mother and I left empty-handed to return home. 

Before we left LA though, we crossed the street to tour a bit of the LACMA. As we walked around, I vaguely remembered viewing the museum's ancient Egypt exhibit back in middle school. It reminded me of how much I loved learning of not only ancient Egypt but ancient Greece as well. So much uniqueness of both cultures that fascinated a younger me. 

Next time, I want to go to The Grove

Foodtime

So I've been on this health kick recently, inspired by this chubby guy, and it involves not only exercising more, but also is a lot of healthy eating. I've always been a fairly healthy eater since my mother is a nutritionist which makes it fairly difficult to eat even healthier. However I have identified myself as a boredom/lazy eater! (The first step is always admitting you have a problem, amirite?) This means that I eat whether I'm hungry or not and I eat what's around me when I'm bored. Thankfully this has an easy solution: keep busy and don't buy junk food. If I'm busy, I'll be distracted from my eating tendencies and if I don't have unhealthy food around, I won't eat unhealthy food.

As a result, I've been eating a wider variety of foods that make me feel good physically and mentally. Half of the time for me, eating healthy isn't just about the vitamins and nutrients, but about the positive feeling I get from making healthy decisions.

For example, for breakfast I've been eating non-fat yogurt. The thing is though, plain non-fat yogurt is boring. Instead, I'll mix in bananas, granola, honey (and since I'm such a chocolate addict), I'll throw in some chocolate chips as well. I know that altogether my breakfast isn't the perfect breakfast of champions. But after I tell myself that I could be eating a bowl of Reese's Peanut Butter cereal with a few Pop-Tarts, I start feeling pretty good about my yogurt.

For dinner tonight, I was inspired by a friend to make a tomato and mozzarella salad. I also washed and cut a couple leaves of spinach, sliced a few small peppers, and finally covered the dish with olive oil, salt, and pepper. For a girl whose not a huge fan of vegetables and any meal lacking meat, I quite enjoyed myself and look forward to making it again.

I'm really hoping this health kick doesn't end soon because I'm really liking it. I just need to hold onto this feeling the next time I feel the urge to buy Redvines.

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Speaking of food, my near and dear friend Shannon literally had me laughing out loud by myself in a Starbucks today after sending me these pictures. I guess you could say she's just starting to learn her way around a kitchen.

"Lightly Toasted Garlic Bread"

"Half-cooked Spaghetti"

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On a completely unrelated note, here is one of my favorite screenshots from The Office recently.

SantaMonicatime

Life plan for right now:

Step 1- Get rich

Step 2- Live on Third Street Promenade

Step 3- Die happy

As I walked around the famous Hollywood and Highland intersection today, I couldn't help but imagine what tourists from New York must think. Not only does NYC contrast greatly with LA with respect to culture, but size-wise, LA's Hollywood/Highland must really be a surprise as compared to Times Square. And yet somehow the media does a really great job with making LA appear to be a sprawling city of glamour. Spoiler alert: It's not. When traveling through most parts of LA, it'd be more than smart to double check your locked doors.

However, the shining light for me in the disappointment that is Los Angeles, is Santa Monica. Santa Monica is a magical little place near the water that promises you both the sandy beaches and an almost city life. I just can't get enough of the cuteness that is Third Street Promenade. There's actually good street musicians, water bottle refilling fountains, modern age parking structures, and, of course, shopping. It really is the perfect life.

Now if only it can stay LA's beautiful, hidden sister city forever.

Boatcruise

Bakingtime

I decided that I needed to get back to baking. Some of my life choices recently (excessive shopping/Kardashian purging) have been slightly less healthier than I would have liked. So in honor of my mother's birthday, and with the intention of fixing my life of course, I decided to bake a cake.

Now to preface this, I love chocolate, I've just recently come to terms with my addiction. Sadly I feel addiction may be more than an appropriate word choice in this instance. Without a few days of chocolate, I crave it. But I felt like making something new and different than I usually do today. So after flipping through a few hundred pages of one of my mother's cookbook, I decided upon a cake that I thought would be a nice change of pace: carrot cake.

I haven't always been a fan of carrot cake. My thought process was: when I eat cake, I'm going to enjoy it and splurge- not go halvies on this carrot crap. Not long ago though, I tried a carrot cake cupcake and just about died. The cream cheese frosting really complemented the spicy flavor of the cake. So today when I saw the carrot cake recipe, I wrote down a few ingredients that I needed for the recipe and returned shortly from the grocery store.

This cake wasn't really a challenge, now that I look back on it. All it consisted of was combining the dry ingredients, pureeing the sugars and eggs, and mixing in the blended carrots until you can pour the batter into a sheet pan. After about forty minutes the cake was finished and I quickly whipped up a batch of the cream cheese icing. All in all, a great recipe and a great cake.

I think the thing I like about baking is that it's straightforward. They give you the instructions, step by step, all you have to do is follow them. In the words of Chef Gusteau "Anyone can cook!" 

Kardashiantime

I seriously need a new hobby.

Besides shopping and watching Keeping up with the Kardashians, I've got just about nothing at home to keep me entertained. Looking back on the past week, I've been to a variety of different malls more than six times and watched almost four seasons of shows related to the Kardashian family. This can't be healthy. I've been reading this whole post in my to Kourtney Kardashian voice.

A google search of "popular hobbies" tells me that reading, watching TV, family time, going to the movies, fishing, computer, gardening, renting movies, walking, exercise are the top ten hobbies. My first question is, how is going to the movies and renting movies any different? Can we not just make "movies" a hobby and save some time for everyone? But for real, I already partake in about half of these activities and I'm not exactly feeling fishing and gardening, sorry 'bout it. So what's left...? Coloring? Maybe I'll start knitting soon.

Highlight of my week: Getting a smiley face written on my drink by a cute barista at Starbucks. I'm kind of a big deal.

Lost in the Everglades. Actually priceless.

Kris- Look at yourself, you're wearing a chain around your neck.

Loving the fact that Khloe's mugshot is freaking framed in the background. 

RIP Princess- you only had so long to be toted around in Kimberly's purse. You will be missed.

Goodbyetime

Sometimes I have moments where I realize I'm grown up. Like I'll be twenty one next year. When did that happen?! It seems so long ago that I counted out the years until I would be able to drink alcohol for the very first time (Uhhh.) But now I can't even say that I'm a teenager anymore. Assuming I'll live to be one hundred, the first fifth of my life has passed me by. Yes I wrote that right. One. Fifth.

Today was one of those times when I was hit hard by growing up.

You know that feeling of This will be the last time I'll ever be at this school? Or this is the last time I'll ever play soccer with this team? Recently I've asked myself, Is it better to know it's the last or to not know? I've had moments where I know it'll be the last, and I don't even know what to do with myself. Take a picture? Write a letter to myself? I don't know. How do you capture all of these mixed thoughts and emotions? I guess it's nice to know it's the last time when when you're moving on to bigger and better things. I know that leaving something for the last time isn't all too difficult when you see the bright and shining new road ahead of you. I can appreciate the experience and respect the past with a sense of hope for the future. 

But what about for the things you're sad to leave? This is the last time I'll be in this pool. This is the last time I'll sit at this kitchen counter. This is the last time I'll relax in this bed. I think that these are the toughest moments of life. When you realize all the history and experiences and time spent here will now just be memories. No matter how much I want it or how much I miss it, I can never go back to that time or place. Ever.

For me, growing up isn't my first day of preschool, my first goal, or my first best friend. I know I'm growing up when I walk off my middle school campus for the last time, play my last soccer game, and say goodbye to my best friends.

Today I learned that the first times may be milestones to remember, but it's the last times that are my life turning points. 

Southerncoasttime

San Clemente-- Dana Point-- Laguna Beach-- Corona del Mar-- Newport Beach-- Huntington Beach

Top Two:

• Young and Beautiful- Lana Del Rey
• Royals- Lorde

Shoppingtime

I've gotten in one of those moods lately where all I want to do is BUY. It involves a lot of me thinking to myself, I have the money therefore I must buy this. Maybe it's because I have a slight income now and I feel that that justifies buying nearly anything I want.

Speaking of things I want, feel free to start a kickstarter to raise enough money for me to buy this purse. I've somehow convinced myself that I need it and now that I'm thinking about it again, I've got some pretty solid arguments. Like for example, I need a small bag for both day and night activities in Belgium. This Michael Kors one is basically perfect for my Brussels travels and I need it. Now.

 Fun story of the day: I was walking around Fashion Island alone when I noticed a guy standing against a wall looking at his phone. Super casual, didn't think twice. But then he started to stare at me, which I tend to be overly paranoid about because I get fairly self-conscious about my bad leg. I gave him a smile/smirk as a kind of "Hey, you're staring, it's rude, stop," and went on my way. About three stores down, however, I caught a movement following shortly behind me in the reflection of a store window. Now, like I said, I'm pretty paranoid, so I thought I would head into a store real quick to see if this guy was actually following me. I meandered in Lush for a bit, pretending to be interested in their overpriced glitter soaps, and walked out about two minutes after. Much to my horror, the guy was sitting outside of the store. I quickly picked up the pace and headed in the direction of my car. As I walked, I noticed a figure getting closer and closer until he was no less than an arm's distance from me. At the height of my uncomfortability, the guy says to me, "So you just shopping today?"

I laugh to myself and realize, "Jess, it's just a sales pitch, he's obviously some kind of business-y businessman getting information about Fashion Island shoppers." I agree and continue to walk, interested in where this conversation is going. The guy introduces himself as Nick and awkwardly proceeds to tell me about how he had just spent the day reading at Barnes & Noble.

This is not a sales pitch.

He finally stumbles through something along the lines of, I want to hang out with you/can I get your  number/I'm trying to meet people. After learning from previous mistakes, I decided to take his number and quickly say my goodbye before heading into a very populated, brightly-lit store where I try to evaluate what the what just happened.

The whole encounter made me think, am I one of those girls who is too quick to call guys creepers, or was he genuinely creepy. Considering the guy followed me for nearly ten minutes from one store to the next, I decided to go with the latter.

Fun side note: This is the highlight of my love life right now. Thrilling.

Rubystime

As I traveled back from Newport Beach for the third time in the past week, I passed by a little parking lot with a shack in the middle, perched upon a ledge along the beach. I popped two U-ies in order to get be back to the site and parked myself before walking up to Ruby's Shake Shack.

It was pretty cute and I felt real touristy. I ordered a shake and fries before sitting myself down to look out at the ocean view. It was a little strange to be there by myself, but after taking a few pictures and sending a number of snapchats, I pulled out my new Barnes and Noble Nook and read Emma by Jane Austen for a bit. Although the price was outrageous (nearly ten dollars for a shake and fries?! like, what?!), I enjoyed it and I definitely felt a little more appreciative of where I live.

Add these to my summer playlist:

• I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)- The Proclaimers : Bachelorette
• Whole Wide World- Wreckless Eric : Stranger than Fiction
• Diane Young- Vampire Weekend
• All The Right Moves- OneRepublic
• Semi-Charmed Life- Third Eye Blind
• All The Small Things- Blink-182

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I've been really craving coffee recently. I don't feel like I drank a lot of coffee at school, maybe like once a week or two, but recently every time I leave the house I feel like getting at least a medium roast. 

Coffee's one of those things that I don't really like, but I want to like it. So I end up drinking it. And then wanting more. Is that the start of addiction? Let's hope not.

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If anyone knew how difficult it is to shop for digital cameras, I would have appreciated the heads up, thanks. I've been gifted a specified amount of money to spend on a digital camera that I will take to Europe with me. However picking out a camera has surprisingly been a real challenge. Maybe it's because I don't really know what I want. 

Alright here's my list:

1. Quick shutter speed
2. Great picture quality
3. Pop-up flash (not built in)
4. Great zoom
5. Works well in low light/nighttime

At least I know I don't prefer a camera with wifi built in or detachable lens; I know I don't need anything along those lines. Hopefully I can find a camera I like soon because I would love to figure out how to use it before I leave for Europe.

Newporttime

Sometimes I forget how fun it is to roam around a city and see what you find.

Newport Beach is definitely one of those cities. 

The "World Famous" Crab Cooker 

Newport Beach Pier

I'd like to point out the circle of bunny rabbit statues

These songs are kind of fun:

• Next to Me- Emeli Sande
• All The Small Things- blink-182
• Say Hey- Michael Franti & Spearhead Feat. Cherine Anderson